Mastering New Beginnings: How to Make Friends at School, University, or the Workplace.

With the new academic year starting, there are so many new journeys and experiences to happen, and the last thing you want to think about while starting a degree is making friends. When I started, this was my main concern, not the workload or lectures I could get that quickly but making friends. Like most girls, there’s always drama or issues, but I had to remind myself that confrontation wasn’t nasty. It means it will be resolved soon, and you can all move past this. That's true most of the time, but I have had friendships end; in the long term, it was better. My older brother, who’s been in my position, reminded me that he didn’t make his friendship group until the second semester in his first year, but I should take my time. My concern was finding people to live within the second year. I didn't want to be embarrassed or ashamed that I didn’t have friends to live with, so I went into private single-room accommodation. So you don’t always make your long-term friends in the first week. I did, but that’s not the case for everyone. I made my friendship group by putting myself out there and getting a girl's Snapchat after talking to them for 5 minutes and then asking to meet. She took a chance on me, and the rest is history.  

I am very guilty of interrupting people to ask questions or add a comment or antidote to my life. Others did not appreciate how my brain worked and that the way I connect with others is by sharing my own similar story with others; people made fun of it and mocked me for attempting to one-up them or make it amount me this was not true, so if this happens to you or by someone around you ask and make it straightforward so that person doesn’t feel ashamed to talk again as I felt that I couldn’t say anything without being criticised. In friendship, you will listen more than speak sometimes, but also, if you're an extrovert, be aware of introverts. I had a friendship where they would barely speak, and it was like talking to a brick wall and was exhausting. To the point where I didn’t initiate a conversation with them one time, and once I left, they automatically asked the other person there if something had happened or if they had done anything. However, I was just fed up with starting the conversations. Friendships go both ways. Remember that. I have had a friendship where one gets mad that we did not reach out to her when she moved schools. However, the phone goes both ways, and this individual never reached out. Remember, you're not always to blame, but check yourself before creating an argument about anything. 

The power of a smile

In fresher week, everyone is  scared and not entirely out of their shells, but they smile if you make eye contact, makes that other person feel less invisible and seen, and feel scared or a simple “hi”, nothing too much to drag you into a conversation you might not what

Acts

You might think these are the type of love language you would have with romantic partners, but they are the same. Are you still trying to make

People like you and form a bond, just not a romantic one. This could be saving them a seat at a lecture meeting for coffee or just listening to their long rant about why they are in love with some dude in the first week of university and that they’ll get married. However, I have a friend who met her life partner in the first week of university on the second night. That could be bringing chocolate or flowers when you are sorry or when they hit a significant life moment, like a new job, passing their degree, or when a loved one has passed. They’ll appreciate you thinking about them when you’re not together. However, please do not go overboard like you are bribing them. They’ll not appreciate being somewhat paid to be your friend, but subtle things like having leftover dinner and asking if they want it given they’ve not made dinner is a good shout; food is the way to some people’s hearts. My love language is actions, as I believe actions speak more than words, and the fact that you sometimes go out of your way for that individual makes a difference.  Acts could be helping them carry their food shopping, or if you have a car dropping them off as someone whose housemates dropped them off sometimes or took them to shops with them. It means the world, and always remember to say thank you to them so they know you appreciate them.

Gifts

 Similar to acts, this could be done on birthdays, thinking about what they would use and like to make them feel like the most crucial person in your life. My friend's birthday was early in the academic year, but we still tried our best to create and hamper items we liked. It shows that you’re dedicated and have thought about what they will like. Also, on Valentine’s Day in the second year, I got flowers for my four other girl housemates. Even if they have boyfriends to show them, I appreciate them and love them in a friendship context. The year after, I gave myself and the other single girl flowers to remind her that she is still very much loved and appreciated and that she doesn’t need a man to give her that affirmation.

Affirmation 

Be nice

This sounds so simple, but to me, I have Autistic traits in which I say something that others might take offence to, which I wouldn’t think was rude but mere observation. So try to make them aware if you feel comfortable or be an onion and let them only see the outer layer until they are stuck with you. ‘My friends would just say if I said something rude and talk through it, sometimes tone and intention can be interpreted differently from what you meant due to different upbringing, so I just made that clear to others if they stick their noses up at anything. It is always a good point to be excellent. These might be connections you need for future jobs of connections for jobs 

Why you might find it hard- psychologists

Making friends is hard, especially if you are an anxious person. This is most likely due to the fear of rejection in the past. As always, our past haunts us in our future. Just remember that it takes time to find your tribe. You will fall out or make friends with the wrong people. I spent the first few days of university with the wrong people. The only thing we had in common was our flat. All I can say is that it did not last long.

 As adults, outside work and education, it becomes more challenging as there's a shared environment and experience. Hence, this is when new activities help, such as volunteering or joining a book club, can help you meet new people. I have learnt since university that it is the quality of friendship over friendship, and you do not always realise till the friendship is over how used you were or mistreated. But growing up and moving away from home can make it hard to keep in contact with old friends. I have been away from university for four months and am already struggling to keep in touch; this is a normal friendship that comes in and out like fashion trends. You do not have to constantly message everyone daily or meet up once a month, but a couple of times a year is exemplary. It tests friendships, but those who remain are the true friends. My university house still often sends in memories into the chat and tries to meet up for occasions like seeing our friends' new flats or birthdays.

Research in the Journal of Personal Social Relationships shows that others make friends take effort and, therefore, understand that's something they have to report to feel less lonely and, therefore, have more friends 

Psychologists have created a comprehensive list for building friendships as adults

Here are a few things you can do to be proactive about friendship as an adult:

• Initiate. Waiting for friendship to come to you can be long and lonely. Instead, using your pent-up energy and channelling it into small initiatives like introducing yourself to the neighbours, showing up at your local church or community centre, or even organising a movie night can be far more fruitful and fulfilling.
• Find your community. Finding a person you connect with profoundly is rare but not impossible. For many people, this journey begins with finding like-mies who share your interests. Bonding on a shared activity—be it a book club, a workout buddy, a baking partner, or a dog-walking companion—could be a gateway to deep, long-term friendships.
• Commit. Adulthood comes with unavoidable, time-sensitive commitments. For most people, friendship cannot be as laid back as it once was. It is far more practical to schedule meeting your friends and holding yourself accountable than to expect life to make that time for you

2. Open up

         As adults, you are most likely to have filters and not get personal with someone, which means you are less authentic to others. It’s hard to make friends if you don’t show the true you for them to get to know. Deep relationships cannot be built if people aren’t honest with each other from the beginning. 

If you are an introvert, remember this and try to push your boundaries if you feel safe. Have those uncountable small talk moments to express your challenges with making friends and explain why this can help people understand your situation and reactions 

Most importantly, just smile and be kind. Remember to treat others as you’d like to be treated. If you were meant to stay friends, you would, and if they want to be friends with you, they will make the effort.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/03/13/a-psychologist-shares-two-tips-to-help-you-make-friends-as-an-adult/